“I’m so hungry” Sue’s stomach rumbled to emphasize the point.
“Just try not to think about it.” John said preoccupied with the sticks stuck in the sand. “Help me make this shelter will you? Grab those fronds over there.”
“I’m too weak, I cannot go on…..starving” She moaned clutching her stomach for effect.
“It’s only been three hours! There is no way you’re starving!” In frustration John threw a stick on the ground.
“I’m wasting away!” She cried, flinging herself dramatically upon the sandy ground.
“Oh get up, you’re pathetic.” Turning back to his lean-to John tried to brush off the frustration of being stranded with the most useless person he knew.
“Fine. I’ll help you, but I only do it under protest.” Getting up, she stomped to the shelter, with a pout.
“As long as you –“
Quack.
“What was that?” asked Sue, looking around in confustion.
Quack.
“It sounded like a duck,” said John, “What’s a duck doing out here?” A rustling was heard in the bush, slowly a small, wretched looking duck hopped slowly out into the open. It looked disoriented and its leg appeared to be broken.
“Look, the poor thing! He’s hurt!” Sue exclaimed.
“He’s dinner.” John started walking toward the duck brandishing his latest stick.
“No! You won’t murder this poor lame creature!” Sue jumped between man and duck, guarding the possibly diseased dying bird. Suddenly, the duck spreads its wings and attempts to takes flight. Flapping up over the bushes only to slam into a tree and fall to the ground, dead.
“See? Dinner.”

Happy Lame Duck Day! Hope we don’t see any down here, that would be awkward to explain to the little guy,

“Oh my! It’s really storming out!” exclaimed Sue as she stared transfixed out the door way.
“I’m not here to discuss the weather Sue.” John said, with a hint of an ominous air.
What are you – Wow! That one nearly hit that tree!” A fork of lightning bolts down just outside the house.
“Sue will you pay attention? I’m trying to—“
Crrrraaack!
“What?” she shouted nearly deaf from the thunder.
“I’m trying to say I—“
Crrrraaack!
“No John, don’t do it!” She screamed, clutching Johns arm. “It’s madness! Pure madness!”
“What?” He asked, completely out of his depth with this obviously insane woman he kept getting stuck with.
“Don’t fly a kite in this weather, you’ll be struck by lightning and die! Then I’ll be all alone!” Sue cried pathetically.
“…You think I’m going to go out into that and fly a kite?”
“Well aren’t you?”
“Do I look like Ben Franklin? No. I said—
Crrrraaack!
“You’re dying your hair white?”
“No!”
“You plan to see the sights?”
“No, I—“
“I gave you quite a fright?”
“Sue—“
“You’re going for a bite?”
“Sue! Stop! I said you are driving me insane!” he finally shouted.
“Well you don’t need to yell.” Sue said, indignant.

Happy Kite Flying day! At least it didn’t rain too much?

Creak. Creak-creak. Creak
“Shhh! Did you hear that?” Sue whispered suddenly looking up.
“I didn’t hear anything, don’t worry baby” John said
Creak. Creak-creak. Creak
“Wait! I just heard it again….” Sue looked toward the door feeling a strange sense that something was about to go suddenly wrong.
“Heard what?” John asked barely interested.
“I don’t know what it was, maybe it was nothing.” Sue shrugged.
“Stop being so tense, just relax, everything’s fine.” Dismissing her worries as just another insane panic attack of hers, John focused on the task at hand.
Creak. Creak-creak. Creak
“There it is! It sounds like someone’s opening the garage door.” In such a frantic whisper, Sue’s paranoia was obvious. “I’m not imagining it!”
“Holy crap! Lets get out of here!” John jumped out of the rumpled bed and started grabbing his clothes.
“What do you mean? This is your house” She said, getting up reluctantly.
“Actually, I live down the street. I don’t like taking girls to my place.”
“You mean you’ve been taking me to a stranger’s house for eight months?” Sue caught the clothes John tossed her way and gave him a deadly glare as he pushed past her.
“Just get some clothes on and lets get out of here!” They rushed out of the back door, rounded the corner of the house, and saw an older man standing in the open garage staring at the partially nude couple. Waving, they ran on down the street, hoping he wouldn’t realize where they were coming from.

Happy Wave at Your Neighbor Day! I’m tired so my wave may not be that enthusiastic

3 Feb. “Cordova Ice Worm Day”

“In protest of the grave injustices that have been inflicted upon that poor defenseless creature, I hereby refuse to ever eat meat or wear any animal product again!” proclaimed Sue
“…What? What are you talking about?” asked John
“I am talking about that majestic creature you just slaughtered!!”
“Huh? I haven’t killed anything.”
“Yes you have! You just ruthlessly murdered a rare and almost extinct creature!” shouted Sue on the verge of hysterics.
“I still don’t understand, Sue, what on earth has you so worked up?” John scratched his head, confused about the turn the conversation had taken.
“Murderer! Is that how you treat your crime? Pretend to not know that you just stepped on a Cordova Ice Worm?!” Sue pointed at a small squished worm on the ground. “There are only fifteen million of them left; they are the only creatures keeping back Global Warming!”
“Wait a minute now, you’re saying that this worm prevents Global Warming? That’s ridiculous.”
“Ridiculous, my concern for the environment is ridiculous to you?” Accusingly, Sue crossed her arms and waited for an explanation.
“No your being convince that this…Corona Ice Worm—“.
“Cordova Ice Worm!” Sue cut in.
“This Cordova Ice Worm stops the climate change” John attempted to reason with the clearly insane woman.
“Why do you think it’s called an Ice Worm, dummy? It makes ice.” Said Sue in an obviously useless attempt to knock some sense into the thick skulled John.
“Somehow I doubt that this work has magical ice making powers, I think it just lives around ice, like this glacier we’re standing on.”
“I won’t stand for any more of this! You’re a horrible person John, making fun of that poor little worm! We’re through!” Sue stomps off filled with righteous anger at her now ex-fling. Squashing fifteen worms in her fury.

Happy Cordova Ice Worm Day! Please don’t step on too many, they’re had to find this far south!

“Unclean! Unclean!”
The raucous mob of villagers threw Brussels sprouts at the disheveled woman.
“Halp!” she cried trying to keep the offensive sprouts away from her face. “Halp!”
“Pelt the impure on! She is in league with Santa, she wears red!”
Suddenly, the villagers stop, turn, and stare at John the local soothsayer.
“What?” John nervously asks “Why did you stop?”
“We formed a mob to pelt Sue because she’s wearing red?!” asked the mob spokesman with just the right amount of astonishment.
“Well….that’s what Santa wears isn’t it?” John slowly says, trying to get them to resume their angry mob duties. “Our village must remain pure, free from the wicked influence of Santa…..Right?”
“It’s just that, you know, we put a lot of hard work into these mobs. Saving up Brussels sprouts for months, Brussel does not like giving us his sprouts you know. We also take hours making sure we have plenty of torches, and all we ask is that you give us a semi-legitimate reason to call up the mob.” The spokesman stated with an air of official importance.
“Well, isn’t Santa reason enough?”
“No dimwit, Santa gives us presents, it’s Satan we don’t like!” shouted a random mob member, evoking an indignant glare from the spokesman.
“Oh! Satan! I get it! Sorry, I’m a bit dyslexic sometimes. Sue’s in league with Satan! She’s unclean!” cried John, desperately pointing at an increasingly optimistic Sue.
The mob looked at each other, then turned back to the unfortunate woman.
“Unclean! Unclean!”

Happy Wear Red Day! Hope you don’t get called out for being in league with the vile Santa!