“Unclean! Unclean!”
The raucous mob of villagers threw Brussels sprouts at the disheveled woman.
“Halp!” she cried trying to keep the offensive sprouts away from her face. “Halp!”
“Pelt the impure on! She is in league with Santa, she wears red!”
Suddenly, the villagers stop, turn, and stare at John the local soothsayer.
“What?” John nervously asks “Why did you stop?”
“We formed a mob to pelt Sue because she’s wearing red?!” asked the mob spokesman with just the right amount of astonishment.
“Well….that’s what Santa wears isn’t it?” John slowly says, trying to get them to resume their angry mob duties. “Our village must remain pure, free from the wicked influence of Santa…..Right?”
“It’s just that, you know, we put a lot of hard work into these mobs. Saving up Brussels sprouts for months, Brussel does not like giving us his sprouts you know. We also take hours making sure we have plenty of torches, and all we ask is that you give us a semi-legitimate reason to call up the mob.” The spokesman stated with an air of official importance.
“Well, isn’t Santa reason enough?”
“No dimwit, Santa gives us presents, it’s Satan we don’t like!” shouted a random mob member, evoking an indignant glare from the spokesman.
“Oh! Satan! I get it! Sorry, I’m a bit dyslexic sometimes. Sue’s in league with Satan! She’s unclean!” cried John, desperately pointing at an increasingly optimistic Sue.
The mob looked at each other, then turned back to the unfortunate woman.
“Unclean! Unclean!”

Happy Wear Red Day! Hope you don’t get called out for being in league with the vile Santa!