John & Sue Meet Mr. Texas

“Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!” says the announcer, “Today only we have the special for you! Have you ever wanted to be part of the ‘in’ crowd but never quite mad the grade? I am about to demonstrate to you the most important discovery since the home refrigerator.”

John pushes his way through the captivated audience, enticing glares from several onlookers. “Excuse me” he whispers to one especially angry woman, he moves on before she has a chance to reply. Finally, he reaches his target. A tall, skinny woman in a sun dress is staring at the stage completely oblivious to the rest of the world. “Sue, Sue. Hey! Sue!” John attempts to raise her interest to no avail.

Finally, she turns slowly toward him. “John? What are you doing here?” she asks wiping the drool from the corner of her mouth. “I thought you were going to get the car fixed while I shopped”

“I did, they finished with it two hours ago.” John says “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
“What are you talking about? You dropped me off ten minutes ago.”
“Sue, it’s five-thirty, they’re starting to close the store.”
“Really? That’s odd, well, let me just finish listening to Mr. Texas then we’ll go okay?” she begins to turn back to the stage, but stops “Oh, be a dear and pick up the things on this list. Thanks.” She presses a folded piece of paper into John’s hands.
He looks up at the stage, squinting, “Do I know that guy?”
“Don’t forget, sixty percent of anything you buy here today goes to under privileged children. Because…” Mr. Texas continues.
“Texas Loves The Children!” the crowd shouts.
Mr. Texas smiles at the crowd, “That’s right! Also, if you pay cash to—“
“Hey! I know where I’ve seen you!” John shouts, cutting in to a sound of hisses, “You were on the news, you’re that escaped convict!”
“Sir, that is ludicrous. Please, I won’t be interrupted by wild accusations. Now where was I?”
“You know dear,” says Sue, “he does look an awful lot like that con-man. What was his name?”
“I don’t remember,” says John, “something with a state, I think.”
“It’s Jeremy Maine” one of the women says, “he used to go by the name Mr. Maine.”
“Hey now, calm down, everyone. I am not this Mr. Maine fellow, I’m just a traveling salesman.” Mr. Texas says. A soft murmur starts in the crowd of women so recently held in a thrall bu the charismatic and handsome salesman. The looks of awe turn quickly to looks of anger.
“No that I think about it, I’m pretty sure that they said something about him being a child molester.” John says his voice dropping to a whisper for added effect.
Sue turns to him, her eyes wide. “Texas loves the children.” The crowd loses all control and becomes a mob, chasing Mr. Texas out of the store, picking up pitchforks, torches, and other necessary mob utilities on the way out. Still standing in front of the now empty stage are John and Sue. Sue looks after the mob with yearning, but John has a firm grip on her arm.
“C’mon, let’s go home,” He says
“But what about Mr. Texas? Can’t we chase after him?” she asks
“No Sue, remember last time we were involved with a mob?”
“Yes, you accused me of being in league with Santa.”
“Very good dear, let’s go” says John turning to lead her out of the store.
“Jerk” she mutters under her breath.

Happy Texas Loves the Children Day! I hope they mean the state and not some guy. That would be awkward. And wrong. Very very wrong.

The Return of John & Sue

It’s nighttime in an empty urban alleyway, complete with Dumpster® brand Dumpster®, rats and other various vermin. It appears to be quiet, or as near to it as this kind of place can get. Suddenly, the rats scamper away, the pigeons take flight and the resident alley cat hides behind the Dumpster®.

BAMPF!..................................THUD!...................

Seemingly out of nowhere fall a man and woman. The woman, who’s hair and dress mark her as a typical suburban housewife, lands somewhat gracefully on the closed plastic lid of the Dumpster®. The man, wearing a button-up shirt and slacks, plops down into a puddle of what he hopes is water.
“See? That wasn’t so bad.” The woman says as she hops down from the Dumpster® , “I told you we would be fine.”
The man gets up slowly “You aren’t soaking wet. Where do you think we are now, Sue?” He begins to limp to the mouth of the alley.
“It can’t be any worse than where we’ve been stuck for the last month.” Sue shudders, “anything’s better than that, John.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure, Sue.” John reaches the mouth of the alley and stops, looking around cautiously. “There are much worse things than being force to listen to The Clash, and be forced to list the reasons why cheesecake is a pie for a month.”
“Well, if there is I don’t want to know abou—"
“Sue! Watch out!” John tackles Sue to the ground. Sue looks around her, eyes wide from fear.
“W-what is it John?”
“In that box! There’s a monster!”
“John, don’t be silly! Can’t you read? It says ‘Free Puppies’.” She gets up, calmly and walks over to a beaten cardboard box.
“Sue! Don’t!” John shouts in a last desperate attempt to keep her away from the box.
“Stop being so dramatic, it’s fine we made— Oof!” Sue trips over the curb, landing flat on her face, just three feet from the box. Suddenly, the alley cat darts out from behind the Dumpster®, rushes out of the alley and leaps toward box, stopping mere inches from it, hissing. The box begins to shake violently until it explodes in a flurry of old cardboard and out flies a giant rat, which runs off down the street, the cat following close behind.
Sue stares, stunned at the strange events taking place before her. Slowly, after rat and cat are gone, she slowly gets up and backs toward John, afraid to take her eyes from where the box once sat. “H-how did you know that was going to happen?” Voice shaking, she desperately clutches John’s arm.
“I didn’t” said John, frozen in place by shock, “I just didn’t want you to bring home another dog.”