Zombies. Nixon. Ferrets. Robots. Giraffe.

Few know about the Ferret Campaign of the Zombie Invasion. It was classified at the highest level. Not because of the Zombies, there’s only so much the powers that be can do to hide hordes of the undead invading from Canada. The government was concerned in disguising exactly how the Zombies were finally stopped. Now, five years later the secret of our survival shall finally be revealed in the form of a small rodent.
When President Nixon was dying of a very terminal type of terminal cancer, he made one final request. That his head be removed from his disease ridden body and frozen until such a time that science found a way to give him a new body. In order to stop his whining, Congress agreed to Mr. Nixon’s request. They removed his head, placed it in a cryogenic freezer and abruptly lost all paperwork related to the entire affair.
Many years passed, technology improved, and America entered into a new Cold War with her longtime nemesis: Russia. This time instead of a space race, or an arms race, it was a biological race. Which country could develop a long-lasting “Super Soldier” first would receive a much coveted Gold Star and the ability to mock the loser for at least thirty years.
Russia was not playing around this time (unlike America, which definitely was playing around, like with the Jackalope Cloning Project). They were determined to prove to the world that their time for glory was not past. Working in secret underground bunkers in Siberia, in true Cold War fashion, Russian scientists discovered; not only a super soldier serum, but a way for their soldiers to defeat even death, and spread that ability like a plague to anyone they touched. Thus enter the Zombies.
By forcing the Zombies to watch daytime television for countless hours, they bred a deep seated hatred of America into the very core of these Undead minions. Then, after years of Zombie development, when the Bering Strait was frozen over, the Zombies were unleashed upon America.
Thousands of brave Americans died, and reanimated, during the initial weeks of the Z-invasion, (Canadians being somehow invisible and immune to Zombies). Conventional weapons seemed to have no effect on this Undead Army. The country was at a loss on how to battle something that could not die, and grew in numbers exponentially. Until the horde reached the northern border of Utah; there, in a small town, a boy accidentally unleashed a ferret upon the attacking Zombies. The effect was phenomenal, that ferret mowed its way through over two hundred Zombies within the first minute. Quickly, the news spread like wildfire throughout the military leaders of the nation: Zombies were allergic to ferrets.
Although this news was heartening, there was no way to properly utilize the ferrets without getting very near the Zombies. Thus people were still falling to the undead. What the nation needed was a person who was somehow immune to the Zombie threat. The nation needed someone who had exhibited leadership under pressure, someone who the people could look up to as a hero, someone who had fought boldly in the name of Freedom. They needed…. George Washington.
However, George Washington was unavailable at the time of the invasion due to being preoccupied with saving the Earth from a giant asteroid. So the nation settled for President Nixon’s head on the body of a robot.
Armed with various ferret-wielding implements (including the Ferret-on-a-stick, Ferret-whip, Ferret-blaster, and Ferret-chainsaw), Robo-Nixon set off to destroy the Zombie threat to America. Never before has a former president been this central to the action. Robo-Nixon ferreted his way north, driving the Undead horde back to the Bering Strait. There, like Cthulu bringing his mighty wrath down upon the helpless mortals, Robo-Nixon broke apart the ice, freezing the Zombies deep within the ocean’s depths. After his triumphant victory, Robo-Nixon ran for a third presidential term, on the basis that he had technically died. It was a fierce campaign, and the vote was close right up until the final hour. When the results showed that Robo-Nixon, the man-bot who singlehandedly saved the American people, had lost to a Giraffe named Jeffery Jeffers dressed as a clown, Robo Nixon went back to the sight of his greatest battle, Watergate, and self-destructed, bringing an end to an era, and a legend.